My Children Made me This Way

It’s been a long day. I am tired. I keep thinking I should post..but ugh. I so can’t be bothered. Cleaning closets. Getting summer clothes out. Putting winter clothes away. Making everyone try on everything to see whats to big, whats to small, what can be passed on to whom. Soccer practice started today, D on Tues. and then S on Thurs. and games on Sat.

And the Monsters. Spring is in the air, but that air can’t make up it’s mind. 80 one day and then 50 the next. So they are bickering.It’s just the usual brother sister sort of thing, but it’s enough that when I got online today and I saw this comic strip, I had to laugh. It’s perfect.

And that just says it all.

Dryer Balls

 What is a dryer ball, you may be asking. They are spiky rubber balls that you put in your dryer under the premise that they will replace dryer sheets. Eco-friendly and reusable they should be a frugal environmentalist moms dream.

 Personally I think they suck. At least as a fabric softener/dryer sheet replacement. I wanted them to work, because I do like the concept. All that money saved on laundry supplies..4 kids 2 adults 2 cats a new puppy, we have a lot of laundry. I also liked that they are environmentally friendly, cutting down on the amount of waste from used dryer sheets. But my clothes came out full of static, and that is the biggest reason I use dryer sheets. To cut the static. First time I used them I zapped the bejesus out of myself first towel I took out to fold.

They do work to get all the stray hair off the clothes, and since D has hair to her hips, and I have hair to the small of my back..thats a good thing. The kids love to play with them. As do the cats and the puppy. They make a great toy. Wonderful way to distract the family while I get laundry out of the dryer and the balls go bouncing across the floor.  So in the winter and when it’s rainy and I can’t hang my laundry out to dry, it’s back to dryer sheets for us.

First of all, let me just say that people really shouldn’t be allowed to give away puppies in store parking lots. Most especially on days when I  have to got go said store. And certainly they should not be allowed to hold said puppies where I can see them as I drive in, and then attempt to drive out. It should just not be allowed. Seriously. I am a sucker for a puppy. Alright, any animal.

(Let me state this clearly, I do not advocate  anyone getting a puppy this way.  Everyone should have their pets spayed and neutered. Unless you are showing your animals seriously there is no reason to keep an animal intact. I was a Vet Vech in my pre-stay at home mommy life and I can tell you that the benefits of having your dog or cat altered far out weight the those of leaving them intact. Maybe I will do a posting about that another time.)

I know I should blame this new furred member of our family on the Monsters, say they gave me big eyes and whined and begged and made all sorts of lovely promises. But that would be a lie.  It was me. All me. Well partly D too, he made me get out of the damn van and look at the puppy up close. And then I held her. And then…well we have a new puppy now don’t we.

So this is the new addition last week when we brought her home. She is Yellow Lab Redbone Coonhound cross, and though our Burmese cat Romeo is currently larger than her…she is going to be a moose.

 Puppy Stats

name..Xanthe, {Zan-thee (long e like in see)} Its greek and means yellow hair.

(It took us a week to name her, that will certainly be a blog post!)

age..about 6 weeks when we got her, so 7 almost 8 now.

favorite thing to do..chew children, socks and cats tails. Bark at the Chinchilla.

house breaking status..

one whine and a glance at the door

and you have 5 seconds to get her outside.

We got the official Diagnosis for F on Tuesday. Inattentive and Hyperactive ADHD as well as Aspergers Syndrome. We now start investigating learning disabilities as well. No, it not as if it’s cancer, or life threatening. Some people have far worse to handle. But it’s still my Monster, and it still kills me. This is what I wrote in the hour car ride home while my husband drove and F sang along with Lori Berkner in the backseat:

I can feel myself sinking. It’s been slow to finally get here. 4 years. But it’s been quick, so fast too. Or maybe I have always been sat on the brink,  holding my breath, waiting for this. Right there on the edge of it, hovering. Waiting to slip into it. It seems like a slow drift down. Quiet when the words first make your ears. Silent. At least in those first few moments. Before the whispers begin to edge in and fill your hear with their soft white noise when you should be listening to the Doctor. Doubts. What ifs. Would have, could have, should have.

There are so many unknowns and so many possibilities unvisited. They sit there, echoing in back of my mind. Shadows that press like velvet against me and smother rather than soothe. They always tell you that it’s nothing you did. Or didn’t do. Genetics. Biology. Generations of combination’s breeding true. Chemistry. It happens. But that does’t mean I don’t think;

• I smoked. Was that it?
• All I managed to keep down was Pepsi and Chocolate ice cream. Could that have done it?
• I lost weight. Would that do it?
• I worked for the Vet still then. I know I jabbed myself with a Feluek vaccination. Would that do it?
• What about the fall down the stairs that fractured my ankle? The X-ray?
• She had RSV at 3 months. She stopped breathing, and we had to call 911. Was it that?

They say no, it’s not external. It’s something she came with. It’s who F is. The year she was born I had other concerns for her and her siblings. I had my hand on my pregnant belly, on her, on the morning of 9/11 2001. There was a tiny kick, a gentle roll when my heart stopped in the moments as the second tower fell. I stood under an airplane less sky, for the first time in my life, in Upstate NY and I watched the wide and cloudless blue and I wanted to keep her safe give her that peace. Protect her form the world. that was the big scary world. This. This is the real, close to home world. This is what can really hurt her. So how do I protect her from this. How do I help her on this path, when it’s all new to me as well.

I am still finding my way. I will get there, but sometimes I don’t find the easiest or shortest or even the best way and I don’t want to do that to her. I am so clumsy sometimes, just don’t let me trip now.