Dec 19 2008
Santa Fades
13 years ago I got Santa back. The 19th of April there was a whole world of whimsy handed to me along with a tiny baby girl and Santa Clause was one of those things. The jolly man in the red suit had come to see me last when I 11, and the next year thanks to some classmates he was no more. That Christmas I wanted my parents to prove me wrong when I announced that I knew all about Santa. I wanted them to tell me he was real and my classmates where mistaken. But they didn’t, and Christmas changed for me, it lost some of its shine.
D was born and in December there was Santa in his red suit trimmed all in white fur, reindeer flew against a starry backdrop, and there was magic once more. All that had been lost was brought back into the world with my daughter that year. Stories I hadn’t heard in years where retold. The Santa plate was dug out, and the big mug for milk. My husband and I melded traditions from his family, with traditions from mine and we started a few of our own. The bits of magic that make you giddy as you count the days returned and the shine came back to Christmas.
Today some of that shine dimmed. D lost Santa today. Classmates spoke the words and she came to me with that look that said she didn’t want it to be true. The question was asked in a tone that said she wanted her friends to be wrong. But she knew. You could see it there in her eyes even as she asked. And once you know you can’t unknown it, no matter how badly you want to so I told her the truth. She gave this half smile and nodded. She promised to help keep Santa for her younger siblings and then she wandered off to her room.
I went off to my room too, and I mourned that loss. Santa flickered in my house, he lost some of his shine and he has begun to fade. There are still three to keep him real for a few more years and that means we will have the magic for a time still, but it has begun. The one who brought him back to us has lost him and that will make this Christmas’ magic just a little bittersweet.
